Tag Archive: get


Pain

Every time I tell my mother that I have a pain somewhere, she always responds by telling me where she has a pain. If this has ever happened to you, then you’ll know that is infinitely infuriating. If you go to your mother with your pain, you’re probably expecting her to do something about it. You’re expecting her to use her magic Mom powers to fix the situation. This happened a few months ago between my cousin and her mother. My cousin was very unhappy with the unhelpful response she got, telling her mother that “the pain in your shoulder doesn’t make my foot hurt any less”.

This is an interesting concept. The pain of others doesn’t have an affect on your pain. Only it does.

Sometimes when people are pain, they deal with it by causing the pain of others. This must make them feel better or they wouldn’t do it. On the other end of the stick, when you’re feeling pain, sometimes going to someone who is also experiencing pain and talking to them about it makes you feel better because you can feel their sympathy.

The one thing that is always true is that you never have a monopoly on pain. Ever. If you assume that you do have a monopoly on pain, you end up sounding obnoxious to other people because you are implying to them that their pain is not legitimate. Everyone’s pain is legitimate, even if it’s all in their head. If they can feel it, then it doesn’t matter what is causing it, no one should dismiss that pain.

This was all spurred on by a dream I had recently wherein I was talking to a friend of mine on a bench in a deserted hallway. This friend was describing to me how they were feeling a constant emotional pain. I’m not sure how the real me would have reacted to this situation, but the dream me responded first by acknowledging that the pain was legitimate. One of the things that I hate the most is when adults dismiss the emotional pain of a teenager because of hormones. Yes, most teenagers get more emotional because of hormones. Yes, it is a bit ridiculous when they feel like they’re the only one who feels pain. Yes, I understand that the pain is really coming from nowhere in particular and that people who focus on their pain in strange ways are… well… BUT, none of this matters because the ridiculous pain that teenagers feel is still pain and it still hurts.

I acknowledged that my friend’s pain was legitimate because, even if I don’t think there’s any reason why they should have been feeling that way, I knew that the pain was still real and I felt sympathy toward my friend. However, I did not merely sympathize with my friend. I am far more dramatic and wise and philosophical when I’m dreaming.

I gave my friend a piece of advice that would have been fabulous if this hadn’t been a dream. I told him that it was okay for him to feel pain, but that he had to figure out how to be okay with being in pain. Trust me, I said it in a much more profound way in the dream.

The thing is that I hate it when people let their emotional and/or physical pain affect their attitude. I’m not very sympathetic when people come to school and act depressed. It’s perfectly fine for them to be depressed, but do they really have to let it have such a dramatic effect? Not to be condescending (or to assume that my pain is more legitimate than anyone else’s pain), but I am in constant physical, and many times emotional, pain and I like to think of myself as a pretty energetic person. This doesn’t mean that anyone who is experiencing less than or an equal amount of pain as me doesn’t have the right to act like they’re in pain, I’m just saying that it doesn’t have to make you miserable.

What I meant in my advice to my friend is that your pain is a fabulous excuse to act miserable, but it’s an excuse that you shouldn’t use. I have a constant headache because of stuff (too lazy to explain said stuff). A lot of people get headaches. A lot of people act reserved or depressed or grumpy when they have headaches. I don’t. I already have a headache, why would I want to deal with acting horrid all the time as well. Instead of dwelling on it through the use of my attitude, I’m okay with it. I obviously don’t love it. No one wants to have a headache for as long as I’ve had a headache, but I’m not miserable because of it (unless I forget to take my drugs, but even then I try REALLY hard not to kill everyone…).

If your kind of pain is depression, acting depressed is actually going to make it worse. Act happy. Maybe you won’t feel completely better, but you may be able to trick your mind a little bit into thinking that you aren’t actually depressed. The same goes for my personal favorite type of emotional pain (*cough* sarcasm *cough*): anxiety. I’ve never had bad depression, so I’m not sure if bad depression can be shook off, so to speak, but I have had bad anxiety (and likely will in the future), so I realize that pretending isn’t always going to work. In the middle of a panic attack, there is no way that you can act unreserved as if everything is totally fine. Everything sucks in so that you can (try to) regain control. With physical pain as well. It gets unbearable. I understand that.

If your pain is unbearable, get help. I don’t care what it is. If your parents don’t believe you, lay down on the floor and wail until they do. No one should live with unbearable pain that can be fixed with professional help.

It’s unlikely that everyone’s pain is of the unbearable variety, however, so I’d say it isn’t necessary for everyone to act like they’re in pain. Although, there is the old, “if you hold in your pain, you will blow up” thing. It’s okay to talk about your pain, it’s okay to  try to fix it. Don’t just live with pain. Even if it isn’t unbearable, you still have the right to try to fix your pain. Do what you have to do, just try not to let your pain define you like it defines some people.

Most people I know, even some of my best friends, don’t know about my pain, for the most part, and they don’t need to. I don’t need their pity or sympathy and I do just fine without it.

Disclaimer: Everyone is different. Everyone has a different way to deal with their pain. I don’t mean to step on anyone’s toes or anything.

(Heck, who am I kidding? No one is reading this anyway) ;P

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Goal-Setting

Up until I passed my 100th post, every time I posted, there would be a little line telling me how many posts I had and giving me a small goal to reach, but after I passed 100, it stopped giving me goals to reach and then rewarding me when I reached them. I found this very annoying until it stopped. Now I am disappointed that I don’t have a goal to work toward.

I’m not really one for making goals because I don’t really care about them and I find them ridiculous. I know people that need to have goals to accomplish or else they don’t feel like they’re doing anything productive, whereas I feel productive when I do anything at all. I know that it’s important to set goals so that they motivate you to reach them, but I don’t feel like we should decide what the line is that we can reach to feel good about ourselves. Life seems like it would be so much more than just a bazillion different little lines or marks that we need to pass, like the mile markers on roads.

Our family went on a trip to California last summer. We drove all the way from Utah. I’m not sure how many miles that is, but it took us ten hours(ish) to get there. The entire time we were driving, I was either sleeping or watching the mile markers. Mile markers fascinate me, for some reason, especially the ones that we saw on our trip, seeing as the little markers look different depending on what state you’re in. In California, the mile markers didn’t just have the number of the mile you were at, they had a whole bunch of things on the sign (also, they were white with black writing instead of green with white writing, like they are in Utah). It took me a week of staring at them with hypnotic fascination to figure out that they stated the mile, the highway/name of the road, and the county that you were driving in.

The point is that my father kept giving us the number of miles to where we were going, seeing as he had no idea how long it would take us to get there, so I kept staring at the signs, keeping track of how many miles we had gone so that I would know when we would arrive. This probably kept me from seeing a lot of things on our trip. I’m sure there were cool things to see, but I missed them because I was staring at the same part of the side of the road, waiting for the next mile marker. I do this whenever we drive anywhere. I like knowing how many miles we’ve gone. This is where I tie the story in with what I was talking about:

Little goals can sometimes be like mile markers. If we keep obsessing over them, we’re going to miss some stuff. Now that I think about it, little goals are also like pennies. Maybe they are more like pennies than mile markers. When I walk down the hallway at school, I keep my eyes glued to the ground, number one, so that I don’t fall over, and number two, so that if I see any stray coins, I can snatch them up. It’s rewarding (sort of), but if I actually payed (is it payed or paid? I’m never sure…) attention to what was going on around me, I may get to see people and wave at them or talk to them or something else.

I’m not saying that people shouldn’t have goals, I’m just saying that people shouldn’t obsess about goals. They also shouldn’t be so obsessive about productivity. You can contribute to people’s lives even if you aren’t being productive.

For example, during the month of November (and occasionally during the months of June and August), I write a novel as part of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I set specific goals (big and small) and then I make a detailed plan of everything I do to make sure that I finish the novel in the time I am allotted and to make sure that my story-line isn’t just one big plot hole. Fortunately, after November is over, I have written a novel that I’m usually quite proud of (at least for a while until I realize how horrible it is). Unfortunately, I’ve fallen behind on my school work or I have neglected some other aspect of my life (There aren’t really all that many aspects in my life, but whatever).

It’s nice to feel like I’m being productive and writing a novel is SUPER fun, but afterwards I’m glad I’m not in the middle of NaNoWriMo because it’s stressful and I am particularly prone to stress. People are always wondering why their lives are so stressful, but it’s really not all that hard to figure out. People think that getting organized will help with the stress (and it may very well do that), but a better way to decrease stress is to stop doing so much stuff. Stop setting such horrific goals, stop worrying so much about how far you’ve come and start enjoying where you’re going.

Unless, of course, you don’t like where you’re going, then that’s going to be stressful, so just make sure you’re going someplace nice… like a castle… or a forest. Forests are nice.