Category: Emily’s Life


The Friendzone

The “friendzone” has always been a guy thing, from my perspective. The only people I’ve ever heard complain about were guys. I’ve never experienced this before myself, but I don’t want to discuss how unfair it is to be placed in the friendzone. Instead, I want to talk about the opposite end, the person doing the friendzoning.

I’ve had a lot more experience in this than I like to admit, but I believe a lot more blame is placed on the friendzoner than should be.

Imagine this situation: A perfectly nice girl is minding her own business one day when her friend invites her to meet some of her friends behind the school. These friends turn out the be very suspicious and much older than the two girls. One of the boys takes an interest in the girl and eventually asks her to be his girlfriend. Very uncomfortable with this idea, the girl suggest that they just be friends.

Does this girl deserve to be labeled as the bad guy in situation? The alternative could have been honesty where the girl tell this boy that he makes her uncomfortable and wishes never to speak to him again. Which reaction would hurt his feelings more?

Here’s another example: A girl is at a dance with her best friend and her bff’s boyfriend. A half an hour into that dance, the boyfriend breaks up with her best friend. Near the end of the dance, the now ex boyfriend asks the girl to be his girlfriend. The girl values her friendship with both her best friend, not wanting to hurt her feelings, she suggests that they just remain friends.

Does THIS girl deserve hate? It’s an awkward situation for this girl to be in and maybe the friendzone is the best way she knows how to handle it. Any other alternative would turn out worse.

Another girl may be asked by someone to be in a relationship and is just not emotionally ready for one. It would be smart of her to just be friends with that someone instead of trying to be in a relationship before she’d ready.

Then, there’s the classic. A guy tells a girl that he likes her, but she just doesn’t like him back. Does she stop being friends with him? That seems harsh. Does she enter into a relationship with this guy that is pretty much a lie on her part? Of course not. Lying to someone like that is horrible in any situation. The friendzone is the only way she can keep the situation from getting out of control.

Besides the friendzone, what do all these girls have in common? Well, for one, all these girls are me.

Now, maybe I am just a terrible person, but I will say that I’ve remained good friends with every single one of these guys (except for the first one).

Guys, girls, the next time you’re friendzoned, instead of feeling hurt, why not try to understand that it could be a lot worse… You could have no friends at all.

Family

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, on Facebook this month there have been a storm of posts about gratitude. Every day you’re supposed to post what you’re grateful for. I’ve never been really interested in doing this myself, but it is a good exercise, I guess.

Anyway, Thanksgiving time has always been about family for me. It’s one of the only times of the year that I get to go hang out with my extended family for a few days. There’s yummy food which is always the best and then we spend the rest of the time playing games. The Shepherd family LOVES games. We play board games and card games and video games and pretending games (when we were younger). We watch movies and run around and laugh and talk. I’ve never been all that comfortable being around a lot of people or just outside really, but when I’m with them, I let loose like you wouldn’t believe.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m loud and I talk a lot. I talk about whatever everyone else is talking about and I do it without speaking all that clearly or fluently. I stutter and I get stuck on words and I lose track of where I am and apparently I use the word ‘and’ a lot. My point is that anyone who knows me like that would be surprised at how much worse I am with my family and how the rest of the Shepherd clan are exactly the same. It’s loud and it’s awesome. My wish would be to live in a world where no one had to work and food just appeared out of nowhere. That way, I could spend all my time with my family. I’m pretty positive that we would be out living in the forest where there’s no one else and where we can just be ourselves and bask in the awesomeness that is my family.

I’m not usually a mushy person, but I’m very grateful for my family. If I didn’t have a chance to let loose with them, I would be wound up so tightly that even the best knot-picking people wouldn’t be able to untie me. They’re my favorite people in the whole world.

Children

First of all, I’m not pregnant. I’m not engaged or married. I don’t currently have children. I had to clear that up because when I posted the ideas I’m going to outline in this post on Facebook, everyone flipped out.

Being an adult now, I’ve been thinking a lot about the family I may have some day. It causes a lot of anxiety, but there are some things that I want to do for my future children that I’m pretty excited about.

First, I want to write a collection of variations on popular fairy tales that I can read to my children at bedtime. I want my children to love reading as much as I do, so I plan on doing a lot of reading with them when they’re young. If they continue reading as they grow up, then that’s pretty darn cool, but I’ll let them choose that and just give them a proper start. The other thing I want is for them to grow up with screwed up versions of fairy tales. Number one because I can’t wait for the moment they realize that they’ve been learning different stories than other children their whole lives. It will shock them out of a conformed view of the world and hopefully it will make them think a little about things. Number two because I want to give them intelligently written (hopefully I can manage that) stories with actual substance instead of sorry little tales that have no basis and a horrible amount of plot holes. Number three, I want to give them something from me. There’s something special about me spending all that time making these stories for them and then letting them grow up with that. It’s the same as me sleeping underneath a quilt that my grandmother made for me my entire life. Right now, I’m still sleeping with my baby blanket that a neighbor made for me.

The second idea that I had was to collect books for them to read. This doesn’t mean that I run around buying picture books. I actually pick books that are meant for kids from the eight to twelve age group. This should keep my kids occupied until they’re old enough to go out and search for books themselves. Not to mention I have an impressive collection of both young adult fiction and literary classics. Based on what kind of books I liked when I was a kid and the kind of books I like now, I’m pretty sure I’ve got all my ducks in a row.

The third idea is a little vague, but I want my kids to be able to talk to me. I didn’t figure out the whole talking to my parents thing until I was pretty old and I don’t even talk to them about a lot of stuff now, but I want my kids to be able to tell me stuff. Then I can also live vicariously through them, so it’s a win-win.

Bibliophile

You never know exactly how someone feels about something until they have to go through great hardship for it.

I say great hardship, but maybe I’m exaggerating. Maybe I’m not exaggerating. Yeah, I’m not exaggerating. Hard, easy, these things are relative. RELATIVE.

Okay, story time. This morning, I woke up an hour early to go to a book sale on campus. Yeah, I know, I gave up my precious sleep. That’s okay I got it back later… unfortunately. ┬áIt was… kind of a haul. The problem was that I didn’t have cash on me and the only way for me to get cash was to drive to somewhere and buy something and get cash back.

Something you’ve got to understand about this campus is that it is literally on the side of a mountain. The parkinglot where my car makes itself at home is up at the top of campus while the book sale was nearly at the bottom. I could have walked away right then. I certainly don’t need any more books than I have right now, but I walked back up to the top of the hill, got in my car, found myself the nearest 7-11 and got myself a Slurpee and ten bucks. I drove back to campus and walked back down the hill.

After buying myself some books, I went to math class, because I do that. After math class, I had a bag of books and nowhere to put them, so I walked back up to my car and put them up there. Being exhausted, I took a short nap… that lasted until the end of my chemistry class.

Even after I got home, I still had to figure out how to fit five new books onto an already overfilled bookshelf.

It certainly looks pretty, though.

If you’ve never heard of this website, it’s a dating website. In order to join this website, you have to be voted in. Pretty much, you make a dating profile and then people look at it and go “holy crap, she’s ugly. I don’t like her.” After 48 hours, you’re either in or out.

As far as that, I know nothing. I was voted out. Despite being officially ugly, I feel like this system is a really great way to date online. Instead of months and months of rejection after rejection and no response, you only have to wait two days and then you know whether or not you had a chance in the first place. Yeah, it’s (supposedly) disappointing when you don’t get in, but you only have to be disappointed once and then you can go get a life.

As most people can tell you, I’m pretty fascinated by online dating. I met my boss on a dating website and I now get paid a lot to do something I love WHENEVER I WANT. Yeah, that’s right. I have the most flexible job you can have. [Apparently it’s worth mentioning that I work as a website administrator and content manager, not… something else. :P] Other than that, I’ve met a few people that are really interesting and people that are not so interesting. I’ve learned a lot about people and the way they portray themselves through different mediums. I’ve also learned a lot about my own personal preferences when it comes to dudes.

Online dating isn’t for everyone, but I do think that everyone (old enough) should go ahead and try it it, keeping in mind that they shouldn’t be too disappointed. Think of it as this funny, goofy thing that you’re doing and just relax. I’m a pretty relaxed person on there and I get so much attention on there that I have to stay off it for a while so that I don’t get overwhelmed.

The problem is that people get so uptight about dating that they forget that meeting new people and having fun are the main goals. Those people who are desperately seeking a girlfriend or boyfriend and want to get married and have a hundred babies are kind of scary, to be honest. Let things happen of their own accord.

And remember, you can still have a fulfilling life if you’re ugly like me. ;)

Cheers!

Time Perception

This morning saw the end of Daylight Savings time, meaning we set our clocks back an hour. Naturally, to accustom myself to the change, instead of going to bed at my bedtime, I stayed up an hour. By one in the morning, I was pretty tired, but getting to sleep in all this morning was lovely. Quite lovely.

This evening, I’ve stayed up to my customary midnight, which would normally be one o’clock previous to today. However, it doesn’t feel like one in the morning to me. It feels like midnight. Even though I’ve been going to bed at the same time each night for months, going to bed an hour later feels exactly the same as long as we call it the same.

This is pretty interesting to me, considering I’m obsessed with knowing what time it is. Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night, I roll over to see what time it is. Whenever I’m in class, I have to know what time it is. Whenever I leave to go somewhere, eat food, watch a movie, do my homework… I have to know what time it is. The arbitrary symbols that represent what time it is for me have a profound effect on the way I live my life, on the way society has lived their lives.

I can claim this because I know what it feels like to live without knowing exactly what time it is every second of the day. My family is pretty big into camping. Though our way certainly isn’t the only right way to camp, we consider it the ultimate way to camp. We go four or five times a year to the same two or three spots, like clockwork. When we go, we lock our cellphones in drawers and bags, we don’t wear watches (they just get in the way, in my opinion), and we don’t even think about the outside world for at least four days, maybe more (except when we argue politics around the campfire).

While we’re camping, I go to bed earlier, I wake up earlier, and we don’t eat at regular times. While we’re out there, amongst people that I admire and adore, it seems very timeless to me. I don’t compartmentalize my days or hours, I just do what I feel like doing. I feel free.

Research shows that with the invention of electric lights, people started going to bed and waking up at later times. This is obvious because you could work and do stuff much later into the evening. Your day didn’t depend on how many hours of daylight there were.

Just to sum things up, the perception of time affects the way that life happens and that’s an interesting enough concept to bring me out of hiatus. Speaking of which, I haven’t posted for a while because math homework consistently gets the better of me. I’m getting back into the habit of writing, though, with the start of NaNoWriMo 2013. I’m not writing a novel, but I am blogging and writing articles as well as writing my thoughts down in a very fancy schmansy Word document that no one gets to read EVER.

Toodles.

Do It For Yourself

Everyone hears this every once in a while. Heck, I’ve given this advice myself before. Usually it’s given when someone wants or needs to change something; about themselves or their life. I believe in making changes for yourself, of course, but there are a thousand more things you do every day for yourself besides.

When it comes to motivation, there isn’t anything a lot more motivating than selfishness. When you’re heading to lunch and you know there’s going to be a huge line, nothing is motivating you more than your selfish need to eat food sooner rather than later. And don’t go arguing that it’s a matter of survival, because you aren’t going to starve if one person gets their food before you do. Traffic doesn’t bother people because it means that everyone has to stay on the road a little longer than expected, it’s because the individual believes that he or she has the right to have things go the way expected.

Unfortunately, I’ve always been the backwards child. I was sitting in my Chemistry 1210 class of a hundred people this morning, listening to my group talk about the assignment when I realized that they don’t think I’m very good at chemistry. I’ve gotten so used to being in classes with people who automatically think I’m smart that I didn’t really know how to react to this.

My motivation in school has always been selfish, of course. I like it when people think I’m naturally smart and good at everything; I especially like it when my teachers think I’m competent. I liked it that I got better grades than all my siblings while I was in high school. This motivation was easily put to work in AP Chemistry last year because there were only four of us and I had a lot more individual attention. Even though I was, by far, the least competent kid in the class, I had a reputation of persistence and hard work that I couldn’t let slip. This selfishness was easily kept in check because there was ample opportunity for me to feed the beast.

Now, however, there are a hundred students in my Chemistry class and I have almost no individual attention. I have no reputation to uphold and, as I discovered this morning, I lack my main source motivation. I don’t have anyone to impress. Thus, I am left with the old “do it for yourself.”

Now, not all of my motivation is recognition. I’m a very curious person. I love to learn and enjoy doing so on my own without recognition. I’ve just never had to use it as my primary source of motivation. I’m not sure if I have enough natural curiosity and general nerdiness to sustain me through college. I definitely won’t be motivated by a desire to better my future. For some reason, the future has never really interested me. I mean, I have a four year plan type thing for college and a general idea of what I’m going to do, but I figure I don’t care whether it works out that way or not.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should do productive, good things for whatever reason you can find, selfish or not, and if you’re going to do it for yourself, make sure you’re worth it or else you’ll never make it.

The Classic Crappy Job

Do you have a crappy job? Do you get paid barely above minimum wage? Do you dread waking up every morning because you have to go to work?

Well, from what I’ve learned, so does pretty much everyone else.

This summer, I’ve been working my first ever (non-freelance) job. It’s been interesting for me on a couple of levels. The first level was that I got to people watch CONSTANTLY. I couldn’t really pay attention to my people-watching all that hard core, I had a job to do, but it still showed me a lot about who people are. I also got to see the behind the scenes element of a corporation. I didn’t get to see a lot of it, but I did get to see enough to infer a lot.

The second level was being able to understand other people more. I’ve always responded to people complaining about their jobs with the reminder that at least they had a job and were getting paid for it. I thought that this was the only thing that mattered when it came to jobs that weren’t intended to be careers.

I will never say anything of the sort to people ever again. I finally understand what it was like for my classmates who hated going to school every day. Having a crappy job can bury you deep in the dark and barely let you up for air a few times.

The last reason this crappy job was enlightening for me was that it finally taught me something about myself. I’ve always told people that I would do pretty much anything for money (within reason), including marry any rich dude I happened to come across. I’ve always been determined to be financially comfortable and thought I wouldn’t ever be happy until I got my money thing sorted out for life. I now realize that money isn’t actually all that important to me. Of course I want to be in a place where finances won’t give me any unnecessary anxiety (I’ve got enough of that), but marrying someone rich for their money isn’t really my goal any more. I want to marry someone rich for their intelligence and sense of responsibility.

Fortunately, I have no qualms about quitting something that doesn’t make me happy, giving up incredible gains. I have one shift left at this crappy job and then I’m going to try my hand at freelancing for a living at least until my education actually starts to count for something.

Cheers.

I’ve been tweeting about my job a lot recently (mostly because that’s all there is to do when I’m on break) and I was reading back through the tweets and remembering how I was feeling when I tweeted them. I’m not going to lie, though my tweets are supposed to be sarcastic, I was feeling pretty horrible at the time of each and every one of them.

I hate being the person who hates her job, but I’m just not used to the environment. The biggest difference is that people rarely forgive you if you make a mistake and even if you don’t make one, if something goes wrong, they’re all too willing to blame you. They’ve really taken that whole “the customer is always right” crap to heart. If you even try to suggest that they actually have no idea what they’re talking about, they either yell or start talking to you like you’re five years old.

I know what it must look like to them, though. I’m by far the youngest employee there and most of them are adults who are used to having everything their way. Then, I start to tell them that I’ve been told that things work a certain way and it must look like a misinformed little kid trying to tell them something different than what they know to be right.

The problem is that it isn’t okay. It’s okay that they have their own opinions and that they’re a little put out when they find out that their opinions may not be… right. It isn’t okay that they get to put down a person who can’t defend herself. I’m not allowed to tell a customer that it isn’t my fault, because that would be blame-shifting, which is frowned upon. They stand there and make me feel like I’m an absolute idiot and then expect me to cater to their every wish because that’s the real lesson we’re teaching our children; it isn’t kindness and understanding that’s going to get you favors in this world, it’s just being angry enough that people will do what you want through sheer intimidation.

It makes me absolutely sick that people get what they want by whining and being loud. I see moms come through my line every day who spank their kids and tell them off when they start crying because they want something and then they turn around and complain and gripe until everything happens their way. I’ve heard that my generation is the generation of entitlement, but teenagers and young people are among the most polite and considerate people who come through my line. It’s the adults that I see acting like everything should be served to them on a silver platter.

Not all adults do this, but the people who do are always adults.

I don’t want to turn this into Emily talking about how disgusted people make her, so I’ll just wrap this up.

Be polite to people. All of them. All of the people. Just because something doesn’t go your way or because your 50 cents off coupon doesn’t work, you don’t have to freak out. Figure out what really matters to you and if it’s bread that’s 30 cents cheaper, then you need some serious self-reflection time. Remember, you may have the right to getting things that you’re promised, but you don’t have the right to make the middle man (girl) feel like she isn’t good at anything just because you’re put out.

 

Knowledge is Power

Or it at least leads to advantages.

Today, my work shift seemed to last longer than usually, simply because it’s a Sunday and no one goes to Walmart on Sunday (except for ten minutes before my shift ends at 10pm… and then everyone panics). Only a few hours in, I was moved across the front end to step in for someone who was just about to end her shift (which I didn’t end up doing, but that’s not the point). This lady was doing price matches for one of the customers, which you have to type in manually and they take forever, especially if there are a lot of the same items, which there was, in this case. The lady had just finished typing in all the numbers when one of the managers came over and told her that the price and yet another store was lower than the price at Walmart AND the price they’d already been matched to. Of course I felt terrible for this lady, but she’s new and I was feeling good about not being the new girl any more.

A little later, I was doing price matches for another customer and she came to an item and wanted me to type the price in for twenty of the items at just a penny less than the price at Walmart. Fortunately for her, I knew that other people had been price matching it at much lower. If I was going to have to type them all in, I wasn’t going to do it for a penny. Needless to say, the lady was very pleased that I knew this.

Throughout the rest of the day, I couldn’t help but notice that people were just buying items at the Walmart price when I knew there was a lower price somewhere else. I wasn’t going to tell them that, though. I can barely stand to speak to them when I have to, but I thought that it was interesting that they had the ability to price match if they wanted to, but they didn’t care enough to do a little work to find out the lower prices.

These people who price match everything may be annoying and they may look really stupid to people who don’t care about what things cost, but this knowledge they have gives them an advantage. Maybe not so much an advantage as it rewards them. They’re buying their thousand grocery items for less than other people.

The same can be said about scholarly people. They may seem really weird and stupid to people who don’t care, but they’re being rewarded in ways that people who don’t care about learning things aren’t even aware of. Of course, most people without knowledge don’t even notice that they’re living at higher cost than others. They’re perfectly happy. They don’t want to do the extra work that it takes to gain knowledge and that’s fine. I’d rather people not price match every single one of their items. It sucks for me, but it most definitely doesn’t suck for them.

So, learn stuff.

In other news, some of my coworkers have started greeting me by name… This is a problem because I don’t know their names and now I’m going to have to learn them. I don’t even know most of the names of my managers. I know two of the costumer service managers… plus the shift manager and the zone manager. That’s it.